My house is loud… Like, can’t-hear-yourself-think-calgon-take-me-away, loud.
I think that having 3 kids (all girls) clamoring for my attention and trying to talk over each other makes my life doomed to noise so deafening I’m tempted to invest in those nifty noise reduction headphones you see people wear on airplanes. I might actually on occasion, put my ear buds in and turn up my iTunes just to listen to something other than bickering. On occasion only, of course.
I’m a yell-er, I’m ashamed to admit that, but I guess that’s the first step in my process to creating a quieter more peaceful home. I’m not really sure how I got to be so loud. I’ve never been what you would consider “soft spoken” but over time I find that I’ve become just plain loud. I think maybe it started by having to call up the stairs 10 times to get them to come eat dinner, get in the bath, etc. Maybe it was yelling over them fighting with each other and needing to raise my voice just to be heard. Maybe, I’ve gotten lazy, (it’s so much easier to yell than to stop whatever I’m doing and actually walk the length of the house to talk to them.) Most likely it’s a combination of all of those things. But no matter the reason, it’s not good for the kids.
Studies show that constant yelling can be just as harmful as physical abuse. Wow! Talk about putting things in perspective for me. “According to a 2003 study published in The Journal of Marriage and Family, 88 percent of the 991 families interviewed admitted shouting, yelling or screaming at their children in the previous year. That percentage jumped to 98 percent in families with 7-year-old children.”
“Besides being potentially harmful if overused, yelling is often ineffective. “Children can become immune to being yelled at and start to tune it out,” according to psychologist Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D., of Drexel University.”
So see? It’s not good for anyone and it’s completely not working, a lose/lose.
Here are some things I’m going to concentrate on:
1. I’m going to stop yelling the phrase: “Stop Yelling!” Because.. Really?
2. We’re going to have a sit down and discuss what is expected of them. For instance, I shouldn’t have to ask 10 times when something needs to be picked up or put away.
3. Support, Encourage, and Praise the positive behaviors. Tell them what to do rather than what not to do.
4. I’m going to get on their level and get their attention. So many times our yelling bouts happen because they are distracted and not really listening to what I say. If this means turning off the tube or removing them from the playroom to make sure they hear me, then so be it.
and last but definitely not least,
5. I’m going to take lots of deep breaths. Frustration and impatience is the root of my yelling.
I’m on a mission to find more peace in our house. How do you manage your home quietly?
I’m with you. I’ve always been loud and have also turned into a yeller. It is ineffective. I was horrified to discover just yesterday, that I think I turning my already loud 4 year old into a yeller. This is not who I want to be.
Motherhood is hard! Let’s just throw that out there right now. I loved that article, but as a former Early Childhood Licensed mother, I have used this approach because when things are lous and chaotic, WE get frustrated. When we are frustrated and anxious/stressed, the children KNOW IT! Even infants can feel the tension.
Our rule is that the children are to follow directions the FIRST time given. Another one, RESPOND to your parent!! Say “yes man (ma’am)/sir” They always don’t have to say that, but “yes” is a MUST. (especially in public) And, I ABSOLUTELY agree, praise them…make it a positive!! My favorite…..I use (what we call) “Caught Being Good”. When they think you are not looking and you see them behaving…..reward them!!! (a hug, a kiss, a compliment, stickers, etc…..this part is a personal choice) Spend QUALITY time with your children…TALKING. We have a tradition: at the dinner table, we all share our best part of the day, worst part of the day and anything else they would like to share. It’s TRULY amazing what they tell you during this, and other, “quality” time that you might not have heard from them, otherwise.
I truly enjoyed the article and look forward to many more!!!!!!
Sincerely,
Katherine
Yelling, “Stop yelling!” – I love it! I have definitely found myself doing that and then feeling ridiculous. A very worth-while goal!
A very unattainable goal for me it seems.. It was a very long weekend!
Right there with you! I’m trying to stop the yelling in my house too– by me and the 5 little people that live here!
It’s so hard, making yourself aware of it is definitely a huge step!
Great article! When you mentioned telling your kids what to do as opposed to what NOT to do, I was reminded of a valuable piece of advice I received when my son was little – You should tell your kids what they are doing RIGHT as often as you tell them what they are doing wrong. I found that it really made a difference in my relationship with my son when he was little and still does now that he’s a preteen. Thanks for the fabulous reminder!
Thanks! I can see a huge difference in the way they respond when I think before I yell… They respond so much more to positive reinforcement!! Thanks for the input and for reading us!