Times have changed and both parents don’t always come home at 4pm everyday. For a lot of today’s families, one parent boards a plane while the other stays home and holds the fort down. It is hard on everyone involved, and it takes a lot to keep from feeling sorry for yourself. It can put a strain on you, your marriage, and your children. But it’s not something you can’t cope with and get past. It can be done.
Here’s a few tips for making things easier for you and your family:
- Don’t complain about your spouse being gone in front of your kids. It’s your job to help them cope, you’re the strong one. If you’re moping, it won’t set the right example.
- You have a mission: Make 4 days feel like 2 days. Do something spontaneous, keep the kids guessing. A simple trip to the library or an after dinner ice cream run will help keep everyone’s mind off of the person who isn’t at home.
- Create special memories for you and your kids. Look at this as some extra one-on-one quality time with you. Cuddle and watch a movie, make a card for Daddy, or schedule a nightly Skype or Facetime call.
- Don’t forget about the traveling spouse! Being away is hard on them too, you’re not the only one who is lonely and suffering. They sometimes feel like a guest in their own home because they never know where anything goes, things change while they’re gone, etc. Remind yourself daily that you’re grateful that you have your kids with you. Can you even imagine being away from them AND your spouse.
- A friend who had a traveling father once told me that his mother made the kids feel like their dad was around by making sure he knew what was going on in their lives. Keep them aware of school events, friends’ names, and more or less what the kids are “into” these days.
- Build your network. This is imperative. Get out of your comfort zone and make some mommy friends. They can usually understand what you’re going through, even if their spouse doesn’t travel. If you luck out and find another mom who has an out of town hubby, make dinner and ask them over.
- After you’ve worked so hard to keep your children’s mind off of your spouse’s absence, then you have to do the same for yourself. Find a purpose. Read a book, volunteer, anything that is just for you and keeps you busy. Sitting around pining for them won’t make the time go faster, just the opposite actually.
- Don’t forget your marriage! Call, skype/facetime, email. Keep in touch on the mundane daily stuff, it’s just as important as the biggies. Do something special to show you missed them. Make a favorite meal or rent a movie you think they’ll like. When they get home it will mean a lot to them.
It’s hard and it’s something each family has to handle in their own way. There is a way to make it work, it will just take a lot of extra effort on everyone’s part.
Does your spouse travel, how do you fill the time?
My husband has traveled all 8 (almost 9) years of our marriage. In a way, I’ve become accustomed to this as our family’s way of life. That doesn’t mean I always like it, but I figure there is no point fretting about it because he loves his job and I enjoy a little “me time” now and then. My girls and I make the best of it by finding things to do that may not be on daddy’s top 5 list. We have breakfast for dinner, soup and sandwiches, play Hello Kitty bingo and watch Hannah Montana together. I try to remember (and often forget) to include handwritten notes from the girls in my husband’s suitcase, email pictures of them doing cute things or let them answer the phone when he calls at night. We just try to find fun things to do and I enjoy a little extra girl bonding time.
This article is very one sided. I am a traveling wife and mother. My husband works full time and we have 2 kids- a toddler and school age. I wouldn’t mind interviewing with you for a counter article on the perspective of a mom traveler and husband working and home with the kids. I work with many people with this scenario and have met many women on my journeys.