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Kick Cabin Fever

Posted on by Angie

It doesn’t get too frigid here during the winter but we do good a few good cold snaps that will result in a few days of indoor play sure to set kids of all ages into a cabin fever induced frenzy.

Need some ideas to keep them busy while keeping yourself sane? We’ve got a few.

Fun with marshmallows:

Marshmallows are a yummy treat but they can be fun when crafting too! Try this cute little igloo:

What you’ll need:

Mini Marshmallows
Icing
Plastic/styrofoam cup

What you’ll Do:

Cut the styrofoam cup down to the size you want your igloo
Flip upside down and use icing to glue it to the plate
Cut and extra strip from your left over styrofoam to use as your entrance, glue down with icing
Once your igloo is “iced” to the surface, use your frosting to glue the marshmallows around your cup, starting at the bottom.

Marshmallow Snowman

If you want a snowman to go with your igloo, use large marshmallows and icing to stack your snowman. We raided the left over Halloween candy to decorate our snowman, mini M&M’s make great buttons, mini chocolate chips for eyes and a twizzler or fruit roll up can be used for scarves.

 

Ice Block Sun Catcher

We don’t get a ton of below freezing days but this makes a great activity to do and store in your freezer for when the cold snap hits.

What you’ll need:

Ice Trays
Food Coloring
Pie Pan
Plastic Cup

What you’ll do:

Fill your ice trays with water and use your food coloring to make different color cubes
freeze
Fill your pie pan 1/2 way with water and sit your plastic cup full of water down in the pie pan to create a hole for freezing around then place in freezer.
Once your cubes are frozen take those out and place on top of the frozen half of the ice in your pie pan, fill with more water, place back in the freezer and freeze solid
Once everything is frozen you can take out and push the small amount of ice that is frozen over your cup hole  (running warm water over the back of the pan will helps loosen your block of ice) then use a ribbon to hang from a tree or branch outside.

Alternate ways to make this would be to use slices of lemon, oranges or limes with some glitter in the place of your colored ice cubes.

We had a great time showing these ideas to our friends at Daytime Alabama

The Mother of All Consignment Sale Lists for Birmingham – Spring 2012

Posted on by Angie

Hello Consignment Season!! Consignment sales around Birmingham will be heating up very soon, are you ready? We are!

Whether you’re selling or buying there’s a little something for everyone. Make sure to check back often as we will update with any sales we learn about in the coming weeks. If you know of a sale in Birmingham that you would like to have listed, please contact us and we’ll get it added!

Happy Consigning!

Gardendale:

Kingdom Kids Consignment
Gardendale Mt.Vernon United Methodist

February 13th – February 18th
Sale Info

Helena:

New 2 You Consignment Sale
Church of Cahaba Bend –

Friday, March 2nd: 9am – 7pm
Saturday, March 3rd: 9am – 1pm
Sale Info

Homewood:

Lil Lambs Consignment
Trinity United Methodist –

Open to the Public: March 9th and 10th
Sale Info

Kids Market and Mom
Old Academy Sports location at Wildwood Shopping Center

Receiving (by Appt)
Monday, March 6th thru Wednesday, March 9th

Regular Receiving:
Saturday, March, 10th – 7am – 7pm
Monday and Tuesday, March 12th and 13th – 9am – 6pm
Wednesday, March 14th – 9am – 3pm (Clothing only)

Public Sale:

Monday, April 2nd, 8am – 8pm
Tuesday thru Friday – April 3rd – 6th, 9am – 8pm
Saturday, April 7th, 9am -6pm

Site Info

Hoover:

Kids Wear Plus
Hoover Gallery Shopping Center

Open to the Public: February 27th – March 3rd
Sale Info

Bargains on the Bluff
Bluff Park United Methodist –

Online Seller Registration: Going on Now
Contributor/Workers Sale: Thursday, February 23rd
Open to the Public:  Friday, February 24th, 9am – 6pm & Saturday, February 25th, 9am – 2pm

Kids Corner Children’s Consignment
Mountain Chapel UMC

Wednesday, February 29th – 4pm-8pm
Thursday, March 1st – 9am-3pm ( half price sale from 4pm-7pm)
Sale Info

TNT Sale
Riverchase United Methodist –

Open to to the Public:

Friday, March 2nd – 9am – 6:30pm
Saturday, March 3rd  25th – 8am – 1pm
Sale Info

Hueytown:

Twice Blessed Sale
Garywood Assembly of God –

Receiving:

Friday, February 24 – 4:00 to 6:30 pm
Saturday, Febrary 25 – 9:30 am to 2:30 pm
Sunday, February 26 – 1:00 to 2:30 pm

Public Sale:
Thursday, March 1 – 4:30 to7:00 pm
Friday, March 2 – 9:00 am to 5:00 pm.
Saturday, (1/2 off day) March 3 – 9:00 am to noon.
Sale Info

Irondale:

Twice as Nice Sale
BAMOM – Birmingham Area Mothers of Multiples –

Private/Invitation Only Sale:

Friday February 24th
5pm – 9pm
$2 Cover Charge

Open to the public:

Saturday, February 25th
7:30am – 1:00pm
11:00am – 1/2 price sale begins
Sale Info

Mountain Brook:

Sweet Repeats Children’s Consignment
Mountain Brook Community Church

Friday, February 17th
Saturday 18th

Sale Info

Oak Mountain:

Giggles and Grace
Asbury United Methodist

Registration begins January 15th

Receiving: February 15th and 16th

Open to the public:
February 17th 8am – 7pm
February 18th – 8am – 1pm
Sale Info

Odenville:

Valley Kids Consignment
900 Woodland Circle, Odenville, AL 35120

Friday, April 13th 9am-7pm
Saturday, April 14th 8am-1pm (50% off day)

Sale Info

Trussville

Growing Kids
Trussville Methodist Church –

Registration Begins January 20th

Friday, March 2nd 8:00am – 6:00pm
Saturday, March 3rd 8:00am – 2:00pm
(Saturday is 50% off many items in sale)

Registration for Consignors begins August 15th

Vestavia

Whale of a Sale
Vestavia Hills Untied Methodist Church
Friday, February 24th 9am – 6pm
Most items 1/2 off after 4pm
Sale Info

Market on the Mountain
Mountaintop Community Church –

Friday, March 2nd  9am – 5pm
Saturday, March 3rd  9am – 1pm
Sale Info

** Please remember that all dates and times are subject to change without notice to BirminghamMommy. Please make sure to double check the sales website for the most current and up to date information.

Working Mommy Madness: I Quit!

Posted on by Angie

I quit my job.

I did it two days before Christmas. I couldn’t stop sweating as I made the phone call. My voice had this weird shrilly pitch that comes out when I’m nervous. When I said the words, I started laughing. Thinking back on it, I probably sounded like I’d had a few too many mimosas that morning. But really it doesn’t matter how idiotic or drunk I sounded because I was calling to QUIT.

I put that phone call off as long as I could because it really freaked me out to just STOP WORKING, when I have worked since I was 14 years old. I went to college, I worked my ass off, I was making good money, and then … I had kids. And what I thought I wanted didn’t matter anymore.

Suddenly I wanted to pour my entire self into motherhood.  As much as I enjoyed working – the friends, the freedom, the extra money, the childless lunches, and having a reason to get out of my pajamas every day – I felt amiss. My heart hurt. Because I knew every day, down deep in my soul, that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.

The mommy world is a vicious one. You are judged at every turn, and people feel the need to validate their own life choices by criticizing yours. When I first voiced my desire to one day be a stay-at-home mom, some of my co-workers (also moms) downright chastised me for even considering it. I heard everything from “women who stay home with their children are dumb!” to “OMG I could NEVER stay home with my kids! You would HATE it!” or my favorite, “Your husband will have total control over the finances!”

I also got all the typical lines about how daycare helps kids learn social skills, and by removing my children from daycare I am somehow stunting their social development. If anyone reading this feels that way, I am sorry to offend you, but that is a load of crap. There are many benefits to daycare, don’t misunderstand me. I just take issue with people thinking that kids who aren’t in daycare are going to fall behind developmentally, or that their dumb mothers are somehow incapable of teaching them basic social skills. I mean, I’m sure there are a lot of dumb mothers out there. But this bitch ain’t one. So back off.

People also assume a lot of things when you decide to become a one-income family. Like you won the lottery. Or you inherited a sum of money. We did not. Slicing our income in half was by no means an easy decision, and I am certain there are many people in my life, like my husband, who think I am an insane idiot for leaving my job in order to spend the day in our tiny house with two little boys. It’s okay for them to question my sanity. Staying home with kids is certainly not for everyone.

I knew that quitting my job would mean an end to Starbucks and hair salons and possibly even personal hygiene. Even still, I traded my high heels for God-awful tennis shoes that make my stubby legs look even stubbier. My days are now filled with poop, pee, high-pitched screeches, PBS Kids, endless housework, and more poop. I’m no longer a “working” mommy, but I’m working harder than I ever have in my life. If you don’t believe me, why don’t you drop by? I may or may not come to the door, but if you peer through the window you will see what I mean. I’ll just leave it at that.

Motherhood. I love it, I hate it, I am humbled by it, I am crushed by it, I am in awe of it, I am IN it. Full on. My life is simple, but I’m doing what my soul directs me to do. That is happiness, people.

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.
    ⁃    Jackie Kennedy

About Harmony:

Harmony blew into Birmingham after Hurricane Katrina and recently quit her job to stay at home with her two boys. Her sanity is in question. Visit her blog at www.modernmommymadness.com.

Birmingham Events Calendar: January 15th – January 22nd

Posted on by Angie

What do you have planned this week to keep the kiddos busy? We’ve got a few ideas with a pretty busy weekend around the city!

If you’re looking for something to do with the kiddos on Monday, check out McWane, The Zoo or even Wee Flip for open play.

Many local libraries are participating in the Reading with Ringling program this year, take your kids to one of the libraries listed here and by reading some books they could earn a free ticket to the Circus, coming through town later this month!

It’s Not Our Fault if Your Kids are Bored!

Sunday January 15th:

BrickFair Alabama – A LEGO Fan Festival
LEGO models, LEGO fun and games brought together by adult fans and artists from across the country.

We are excited to present this new winter festival – a great time for the whole family! Vendors will be offering all things LEGO: shirts, hats, build-mats, custom minifigures, custom-molded weapons and more. Original LEGO creations on display covering 37,000 square feet!

BrickFair is primarily a look-don’t-touch event. Please enjoy the displays with your eyes, not your fingers. The few interactive displays are clearly marked. To satisfy your creative urges, visit the Stay & Play area.
11:00 am – 4:00 pm

A bare minimum of 90 minutes is needed to see most of the show. Doors close at 4:00 pm; expo is vacated at 4:30 pm. No entrance after 4:00 pm.

Age 4 & up: $7
3 & under: Free
Strollers are not permitted.

Barts Art Cart – Birmingham Museum of Art
In January, Bart will be creating colorful dragon puppets in honor of the Chinese New Year.

Visit Bart’s Art Cart in the main lobby to explore great art and create some art of your own with the help of our Teen Volunteers. Each month highlights a different gallery and features a new art activity. Learn how to look at art with your child. Stop by and make art with Bart!
1pm

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Monday January 16th:

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

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Tuesday January 17th:

Larry Moore the Magic Man – Hoover Public Library
This Birmingham favorite brings a show full of magic, comedy, juggling, balloon sculpting and more to the Library Plaza. Kids of all ages.
6:30pm

Avondale Library Welcomes Evelyn Coleman
Avondale Library’s Family Night welcomes award-winning children’s book author Evelyn Coleman. Mrs. Coleman is the award-winning author of a dozen books for young readers as well as numerous short stories, essays and a novel for adults published over a long writing career. A resident of Atlanta, she is the author of “Freedom Train,” which was chosen in 2010 for inclusion on the Georgia Center for the Book’s first list of “25 Books All Young Georgians Should Read.” Other notable works by Mrs. Coleman include White Socks Only, The Glass Bottle Tree, The Foot Warmer and the Crow, The Riches of Oseola McCarty and To Be a Drum. Join us for an evening of stories and fun as we meet and greet Mrs. Evelyn Coleman.

24-hour advance registration appreciated.
6:30pm

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Wednesday January 18th:

Storytime – Barnes and Noble Summit
We’ll celebrate A. A. Milne’s birthday today by reading a story about his most famous creation, Winnie the Pooh. We’ll make some Pooh crafts and eat some delicious snacks too.
11am

Family Story Time with Mr Mac – North Shelby Library
Storyteller Extraordinaire – Come join Mr Mac and his musical storytime complete with puppets! All Ages, no registration required.
10:45am

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Thursday January 19th:

Holy Inappropriateness! We couldn’t find any special events happening in the Ham’ today. Make sure to check our list below for fun exhibits happening daily at our local attractions.

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Friday January 20th:

Holy Inappropriateness! We couldn’t find any special events happening in the Ham’ today. Make sure to check our list below for fun exhibits happening daily at our local attractions.

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Saturday January 21st:

Winter Bird Feeders – Birmingham Botanical Gardens
Explore The Gardens to discover birds living and thriving in plant habitats similar to what you may find in your garden. Make treats for the birds to take home so that you can be watchful for the many visitors sure to enjoy what you have made! Take home recipes and craft these winter bird treats again and again to make your garden a sure stop on the map for these birds in winter. Thematic Crafts and children’s snacks included. Make sure to stay tuned to the schedule for future children’s classes.
$12 Members | $15 Non-Members
10am – 12:30 p.m.

Year of the Dragon – Hoover Public Library
Come celebrate Chinese New Year with us! Kids of all ages. Registration going on now.
10:30am

Barts Books – Birmingham Museum of Art
Bart’s special January book read will be Night, Night Birmingham,  read by its author Laurel Mills, who will also be available for book signing.
11am

Barts Art Cart –  Birmingham Museum of Art
In January, Bart will be creating colorful dragon puppets in honor of the Chinese New Year.

Visit Bart’s Art Cart in the main lobby to explore great art and create some art of your own with the help of our Teen Volunteers. Each month highlights a different gallery and features a new art activity. Learn how to look at art with your child. Stop by and make art with Bart!
11am

Winter Birding – Ruffner Mountain Nature Center
Jamie Nobles, bird enthusiast from the Birmingham Zoo, will lead us on a bird watching hike. Winter is a perfect time to see birds because of the lack of foliage on the trees. Join us for this winter birding adventure! This hike is open to all levels of birders, from beginners to experienced, and all levels in between. Not only will we identify birds by sight, but we will also learn the common calls of several birds.

•$7/ $5 (member).
•Reservations required.  Reserve your spot at http://shop.ruffnermountain.org/categories/Adult-Programs/ .
•Moderate Hike. Approximately 3 miles total.
•Children 10+ welcome.
•If you have your own binoculars, please bring. Otherwise, we will provide binoculars for you
10am

Family Storytime – Emmet O’Neal Library
Bring the entire family and join Mr. Mac for stories and music each Saturday morning.
10:30 a.m.

Saturday Storytime – Barnes and Noble Summit
Join us today for our Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Storytime. Some days just aren’t that great, but ours won’t be. We’ll have fun making crafts, eating snacks and playing with NOOK.
11am

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Sunday January 22nd:

Barts Art Cart – Birmingham Museum of Art
In January, Bart will be creating colorful dragon puppets in honor of the Chinese New Year.

Visit Bart’s Art Cart in the main lobby to explore great art and create some art of your own with the help of our Teen Volunteers. Each month highlights a different gallery and features a new art activity. Learn how to look at art with your child. Stop by and make art with Bart!
1pm

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Local Attractions Open Daily!

McWane Science Center:

IMAX
McWane Science Center’s IMAX® Dome Theater puts you in the center of the action by projecting breathtaking quality images onto the 5-story-tall dome screen and delivering intense surround sound through almost 3 tons of speakers and subwoofers.
Now Showing: Born to Be Wild, & Flying Monsters.

Birmingham Zoo:

Lorikeet Aviary – Our Lorikeet Aviary has more birds than ever! Zoo guests can feed these exotic birds every day. You and your family will see these birds’ behavior as they eat nectar out of your hand.
Weekends 10:00 am – 4:00 pm

PELICAN FEEDING – A great way to see our pelicans in action is to witness them eating their favorite treats near the pelican boardwalk.

RHINO ENCOUNTER – Embark on an African adventure and experience one of the world’s most extraordinary animals, the Southern White Rhino. Watch from only feet away as our zookeepers engage in hands-on interaction with the animals inside their African-themed exhibit. Don’t miss this exciting encounter with one of the largest mammals on the planet!
Weekdays: 3pm – 3:30pm
Weekends: 11:30am – Noon & 3pm – 3:30 pm

GIRAFFE FEEDING – This up close and personal animal encounter is a memory you and your family will have for a lifetime.
Weekday: 11am – Noon
Weekends: 10am – 11am  & 2pm – 3pm

Vulcan Park and Museum:

Vulcan is the world’s largest cast iron statue; made of 100,000 pounds of iron and 56 feet tall, he stands at the top of Red Mountain overlooking the city of Birmingham. But, Vulcan is more than a statue. Vulcan Park and Museum features spectacular views of Birmingham, an interactive history museum that examines Vulcan and Birmingham’s story, and a beautiful public park for visitors and locals to enjoy. With an official information center that is operated by the Greater Birmingham Convention and Visitors Bureau, Vulcan Park and Museum serves as the first stop for visitors to the Birmingham area!

Railroad Park:

Railroad Park is a 19 acre green space in downtown Birmingham that celebrates the industrial and artistic heritage of our great city. Situated along 1st Avenue South, between 14th and 18th Streets, the park is a joint effort between the City of Birmingham and the Railroad Park Foundation. Hailed as “Birmingham’s Living Room,” Railroad Park provides a historically rich venue for local recreation, family activities, concerts, and cultural events, while connecting Birmingham’s downtown area with Southside and UAB’s campus.

Southern Museum of Flight:

Earn Your Wings – Bring your little pilot and soar above the clouds in our little pilots room. Kids enjoy building aircrafts, flying kites, and more.
Museum Open Tuesday – Thursday
9:30am – 4:30pm

Do you have or know of an event you would like to have added to our weekly calendar? Please email us at contact@birminghammommy.com, subject line “Events Calendar” – We would love to hear from you!

** All information listed on our calendar is subject to change without notice to us or you… We do our best to keep the information accurate and will always update as soon as we learn that something has changed. It’s always best to double check with the event via their website or a quick call,  especially when weather can impact the event.

All About ArtPlay

Posted on by Angie

By Kristen Berthiaume

If you’ve ever wondered what was going on in the beautiful, old green house on 19th Street South near UAB, allow me to give you a sneak peek. It’s the home of ArtPlay, the education and outreach initiative of UAB’s Alys Stephens Performing Art Center. I recently had the opportunity to visit ArtPlay, along with several other moms (and with all our kids in tow), and the creative wheels have been turning ever since (Pinterest and I are about to get serious). From the moment you step through the gate on to the yellow brick road (Seriously! There’s a yellow brick road!), you know you’re not in Ordinary anymore. The ArtPlay house, built in1896 and beautifully renovated, has been outfitted with state-of-the-art music composition and recording equipment and dark, cozy practice spaces. During our visit, we moms bound our own paper books at a long art table brimming with supplies while the kids danced in a bright, roomy studio down the hall. Our instructor, Lillis Taylor, showed some of her gorgeous hand-sewn designs and convinced a few of us that we could learn to do them, too.

If you’ve been to productions at the ASC, you’ll be expecting the high quality of instruction at ArtPlay. What may surprise you is the variety of courses and experiences they offer: from music for babies to Hip Hop dance for older kids to a course for teens where they learn to create a smart phone app. Did I mention the Art and Craft of Hand Sewing for adults? If you’re looking for a creative outlet for your kids (or yourself!), there are many to be found. Something that was really important to me as a child psychologist and a parent was ArtPlay’s focus on using age-appropriate curriculum so that children develop an enjoyment of the art, be it ballet, drama, piano, or painting, without becoming overwhelmed by complicated technique. Research shows that this practice is how children learn best and makes them more likely to stick with the activity. It’s certainly what I want for my own kids’ earliest arts experiences.

Ready to check out ArtPlay’s offerings? You can find them here. But hurry! The Winter/Spring session begins next week! Also, watch for ArtPlay options in Birmingham Mommy’s summer camps list – coming soon!

Patience: You have to create balance and eliminate chaos.

Posted on by Angie

Not all of our patience problems are caused by our offspring. I’m so very guilty of this one! I don’t like disorder. A messy kitchen sets the tone for me to start getting grumpy. When I feel frantic, my attitude changes and kids are very observant and they change as well. There are 2 ways to handle this dilemma.

The first is to stay on top of it, and this isn’t always possible. If I plan well, I know that our house will be clean, the kids’ school supplies/lunches/clothes will be ready to go, and dinner will be at least planned. When life is organized, it gives us a general sense of ease and order. It’s comfortable to not be rushed or panicked.

The second option is to realize that it can’t always be ordered and perfect, and take the disorder with a grain of salt.  The kitchen will eventually get cleaned. The kids will not be in therapy because they didn’t have their clothes laid out for them the night before. Try to make the chaos a teachable family lesson. Assign easy tasks for the kids so you can be proud of them while they’re helping lighten your load.

What steps do you take to maintain some type of balance, any tips or tricks to share?

In case you missed our kick off post on this journey to find patience you can find it here.

Reading with Ringling Bros. January 2012

Posted on by Angie

A great program we learned about last year is “Reading with Ringling Bros.” A program designed to allow your child to earn a free ticket voucher to the Circus just for reading books, awesome right? Especially when you have several little ones you plan to take.

Libraries participating this year:

Homewood Public Library –

Emmet O’Neal Library in Mountain Brook –

Vestavia Hills Library –

Trussville Public Library (starting Thursday January 12th)
Green Pond – Woodstock Library
Pell City Library
Clay Library

You can receive a FREE ticket to the Circus appearing Jan. 25-29 at the BJCC Arena (for kids ages 2-12)

Here’s how it works:
1. Ask a staff member in the Children’s Department for a Rewards Club Card.
2. Fill in the information on the back of the card.
3. Your Rewards Club Card must be stamped by your librarian after completing and returning each book.
4. You must complete five books and receive five stamps in order to receive your FREE ticket.
5. Bring your Rewards Club Card to the Childrens’ Department to be stamped.
6. Present your Rewards Club Card to the Box Office at the BJCC Arena before January 29th for your free ticket.
7. To ensure seating, redeem your Rewards Club Card in advance of your desired performance. An adult ticket must be purchased at the time of redemption

Reading is a great way to discover, dream, and learn and now it can take you to the circus!

(We have not heard from all of the libraries that we contacted, we will update this list if we learn of more locations, it’s always a good idea to contact your local library if you have any questions about their programming and special events.)

Mamarazzi: Beyonce Gives Birth, Diva-Style

Posted on by Angie
Photo from www.thehollywoodgossip.com

Blue Ivy Carter, the long-anticipated, charmed progeny of Beyonce and Jay-Z, finally arrived on Saturday via C-section. I theorize she opted for a section so there was no chance a photo of her lady business would show up on the internet. Smart girl. Always thinking ahead.

Apparently, the entire 4th floor of the hospital where she delivered was shut down even to doctors and nurses at one point. Everyone on that floor was required to turn in their cell phones. Security cameras were covered with tape. Now THAT is how a diva gives birth.

I would have hated to be delivering my baby on the Upper East Side at the same time as Beyonce. Not one nurse would give a hoot about me and my hoo-ha. I mean who would want to give birth in a situation where your medical staff had that distraction?! Your vagina (or your lower abdomen, if you are having a C-section) is on the line, not to mention your baby, and all people are thinking about is Blue Ivy Carter.

My husband would probably try to sneak away to see if he could spot Jay-Z in the hallway. Then he would post it all over Facebook. It wouldn’t be “Our son just arrived! 8 lbs 6 oz!” It would be “OMG we’re in the same hospital as Beyonce!” or, “Just saw Jay-Z!”

Just thinking about it pisses me off.

Luckily, I am all the way down here in Alabama. There’s no rap royalty here.

Parenting with a PhD: Disciplining a Spirited Child

Posted on by Angie

Parent Question: When you have an older child who is pretty independent and high-spirited, how do you discipline her and get her to bend without breaking that spirit and independence?

Parenting with a PhD Response: “Bending without breaking” is a great way to describe the challenge you face. On the one hand, you want to raise a child who knows she has a voice and isn’t afraid to use it. On the other ha

nd, Little Miss Independent can’t think she’s running things or the entire household is in for trouble. Here are some techniques you can try to nurture her spirit while still keeping her behavior in check.

  • Pick Your Battles. I don’t love this analogy because it implies that you and your daughter are at war – you’re not. But, it is helpful for remembering that you don’t have to attack every single issue that arises. There will be times where you let your child find for herself that something wasn’t a good idea like going outside in 25 degree weather without a coat. Other times, you could make a simple suggestion like, “You might want to leave your new book in the car so it doesn’t get lost at the zoo,” and leave it at that. This method will be most effective if you let your daughter experience the natural consequences that follow her decisions and don’t rush to fix the problem. Yes, she might be cold but it’s not going to kill her. This technique works especially well with older, independent children because it demonstrates for them the impact thei r choices have on themselves and others. In turn, this knowledge leads to a better understanding of when they can handle things and when they need to seek help. In addition, letting your daughter experience natural consequences instead of imposing them (i.e., punishment) makes it less likely that she will blame you or others when things go badly, which is a bonus for your relationship with her. A warning: if you choose this approach, you need to make sure ahead of time that the potential consequence (e.g., losing the book) is acceptable to you. If not, you’ll have to…
  • Take Command. There are times when a specific direction will be necessary but this can be accomplished in a way that shows respect for your daughter’s feelings and opinions. State commands positively by telling her what to do instead of what not to do. Older, independent children are more likely to feel like a willing partici pant, which leads to better compliance, when they are first given a reason for the command. Explaining beforehand makes it less likely that she will forget what you asked her to do and more probable that she’ll want to cooperate. Play to her desire to help and express her opinion when you give the explanation. Consider something like this, “It’s almost time for dinner and I can’t decide which side dish we should have. Please come inside and help me make the best choice.” You’re asking her to stop playing and come in the house, which she won’t want to do, but you’re giving her good reason to do it and sh owing her that you value her opinion.
  • Cede Power. As your child becomes older and more independent, it’s natural that she will want to start making more of her own decisions. Although it means giving up some control, allowing your child some of her own choices now will better prepare her for transitioning to adolescence and adulthood. This is the best time for her to mak e mistakes because she has you as a safety net. Consider offering her a limited number of choices in non-crucial situations and make it clear that any alternative is acceptable. From simple choices like what to wear to more complex decisions like how to handle a problem with a friend, provide guidance when she asks but avoid I-told-you-so’s when a choice doesn’t go as p lanned. Do use situations that end badly as a chance to review and regroup to help your daughter make a better decision next time.
  • Teach Defensive Strategies. Parents hate to hear this but there is a time and place f or complaining. Teach your daughter how to defend herself when she thinks a rule or consequence is unfair. Talk about situations when expressing displeasure would be appropriate vs. inappropriate. Discuss the right timing and tone of voice she should use. For example, it might be o.k. for your daughter to complain about having to go out to eat someplace she hates; ho wever, she needs to do so calmly and in the car, not at the top of her lungs inside the restaurant. Consider using the 3 F’s Formula: Fact, Feeling, and Fair Request. She should first state a fact: “We’ve been to this restaurant every Friday for a month.” Then, tell her feeling: “I’m frustrated that we’re eating there again but we haven’t gone to my favorite restaurant in a long time.” Last comes the fair request asking for what she’d like you to do differently: “Can we go where I want to go instead?” When your daughter has learned and practiced this technique, give her gentle reminders to use it when she ha s a complaint. Reinforce her efforts to complain appropriately, even when they don’t go perfectly. Try to give validation to the feelings she’s having even if you can’t agree to the fair request. Try something like, “I can see that you’re upset and I’m sorry about that. Your favorite restaurant is too expensive for a regular Friday night. Let’s decide on a place that’s more affordable and that everyone likes.”

It’s clear from your question that you’re committed to raising a daughter who both feels respected and shows respect, which will serve your relationship well when she makes most of her decisions far from your watchful eye. By giving her leeway to make some of her own choices – good or bad – and then discussing the outcomes with her afterwards, you are preparing her to stand up to peer pressure, think ahead to the consequences of her behavior, and place high value on her opinions and talents. It’s not as simple an approach as requiring her to comply without questioning but is likely to have much b

etter results, both for her well-being and for your relationship with her.

About this column: Send your parenting- and kid-related questions my way via email at: parentingwithaphd@gmail.com and I’ll tell you what I can: Please be aware that email is not a secure method of transmitting personal information so it’s best to keep your questions general. If your question is featured, your name and email will not be published. Su

bmitting a question does not constitute a professional relationship in any way and this column is not meant to substitute for face-to-face therapy. If you feel  you’re doing the best you can and still need help, it may be time to bring in a professional. Start by talking with your child’s pediatrician to get a referral.

Kristen S. Berthiaume, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist

Kristen Berthiaume is a clinical psychologist with Grayson and Associates.  She obtained her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Kentucky. She completed a predoctoral internship in clinical psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and a post- doctoral fellowship in the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders (ADHD) Program at Duke University Medical Center.

She specializes in providing assessment and treatment of children, adolescents, and families dealing with the following issues:
ADHD
learning disorders

social skill deficits
organizational problems
behavioral difficulties
anxiety
depression

She generally focuses on behavioral and cognitive- behavioral techniques, but maintains a flexible approach to therapy. Her other day job is as mom to her four-year-old daughter and 20-month-old son.

Vote Birmingham Tastiest Town!

Posted on by Angie

Do you like to eat? We do! Have you ever taken the time to stop and really think about all of the fantastic eateries we have in this city? Southern Living has!

In addition to a full roster of dining destinations, Birmingham’s community calendar is packed with annual food events.  For 37 years, the Greek Food Festival has attracted growing crowds to enjoy food favorites such as souvlakia, gyros and baklava.  Up to 30,000 people pack into Birmingham’s Holy Trinity-Holy Cross Greek Orthodox Cathedral for the three-day event.  Also worth noting is the Schaeffer Eye Center Crawfish Boil, which serves up 25,000 pounds of boiled crawfish to music lovers each summer.

“This is a huge opportunity to celebrate Birmingham’s culinary successes,” said James H. Smither, president of the Greater Birmingham Convention & Visitors Bureau.  “We want to encourage the community to vote, and show those other Southern cities why Birmingham should be at the top of this list.”

Cast your vote daily through January 31 and you can help name Birmingham The South’s Tastiest Town by Southern Living magazine. Plus, you’ll be entered for a chance to win a $2,500 cash prize for a trip to any Tasty Town of your choice.

In addition to being entered in the above contest for casting your vote, we are going to sweeten the deal for casting your votes for Birmingham. We have a $50 Gift card to FLIP Burger as well as a pair of passes to the Carmike Summit 16! Dinner and a Movie, just in time for Valentines day! Nice, Right?

Here’s what we need you to do:

Log on to this SITE and vote for Birmingham.

You can do this once a day until January 31st, so we will leave this giveaway open until then. Once you vote on their site, come back here and leave us a comment letting us know that you voted. You can get 1 entry per day, as long as you cast your vote first.

If you want an extra entry (or 2) you can:

Facebook and/or tweet the contest to get your friends to vote too – Direct them to this link:

www.southernliving.com/tasty

You will get one extra entry for each, 1 time only! You must come back here and leave us a comment letting us know that you facebooked and/or tweeted.

BirminghamMommy will choose one winner from the comments left on this post. Giveaway ends on January 31st and the winner will be announced via email. It will be the winners responsibility to contact us back in order to claim the prize.

BirminghamMommy.com has NO affiliation with the $2500 cash prize being given away by Southern Living.

 

 

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