This is one of those topics that no one really talks about much. Hopefully it doesn’t happen often enough to require too much thought, but it does happen.
Right before the holidays, our family lost my husband’s grandfather, a great man. My 5 year old son took it very hard. We flew to Connecticut to attend the funeral, and I must admit, I was very nervous about taking a 3 year old and 5 year old to a viewing, funeral, and graveside.
By no means am I an expert! This is simply what worked for us being shared with anyone else who may be facing the same situation.
1. PREPARE- Prepare your kids in every way possible. Discuss death, dying, and funerals before you get there if it’s possible. Explain what will happen at each event to the kids. Tell them how important their behavior is to everyone, not just you.
2. EXPLAIN- Don’t just tell them to behave, explain to them what exactly they need to do. Be explicit: “I expect you to stay in your seat and stay quiet.” Keep your ‘demands’ to 2-3. Giving them a list to remember is overwhelming. Ask them to repeat the 2 rules, seated and quiet.
3. PRAISE- Once you’re there, give them some positive praise immediately so they can start on the right foot. Keep the praise coming the whole time.
Attending sensitive events with kids is hard for the kids and for the parents. We expect a lot out of kids and we need to be understanding. If they misbehave, stay calm and remind them of the rules. Understand that doing the best you can is all anyone expects. It’s a lot of effort to keep the kids calm and in control, but it will teach them the importance of the event, and how they need to behave in these situations.
