If you have a child who loves to be center stage, people will probably tell you to sign her up for acting classes. But, what about her brother who hides behind you when someone says hello in public: that’s the last activity you should consider for him, right? Maybe not. Research shows that the most common phobia is “glossophobia,” or fear of public speaking. In fact, 74% of the U.S. population meet criteria. Usually, adults can avoid giving speeches or addressing crowds by going into fields where these skills aren’t required; however, most of us have to interact with others at some point and a significant fear of speaking to strangers can really impede that process. For children, class presentations are a required element throughout school – anxiety or no. If you have a child who’s fearful of speaking to people he doesn’t know well or in front of a group, there are ways to help him cope. Although it may seem counter-intuitive, sometimes a little taste of the spotlight is just what he needs to feel more comfortable.
Meaghan Deusner, owner of Acting Out Academy in Birmingham, realized early on that the acting classes she was teaching could have a positive benefit for kids often described as “shy.” She recalls one little girl whose social anxiety was debilitating in her daily life but who, for some reason, signed up for Meg’s afterschool acting class anyway. At the end of the course, the little girl played the role of a reporter in a short film that kids made. Adults who knew her were stunned. Meg attributed the change to several factors. Although many child acting opportunities are product-oriented (e.g., a play, commercial, or film), Meg describes taking a process-oriented approach in class. Kids learn through acting games that help them think on their feet, express feelings and ideas nonverbally, and, most importantly, laugh at themselves. The classes create a safe space for kids to take risks with their acting and to see that nothing terrible happens when they fail. This opportunity makes acting classes a particularly good choice for kids with perfectionism who tend to try and avoid failure at all costs. Focus is placed on letting kids explore feelings from their daily experiences rather than suppressing them as they’re often told to do (e.g., “Stop crying!”). By becoming really aware of their own feelings and the physical sensations that accompany them, kids can start to understand and create their characters’ emotions. Also, instructors often give kids great tips for managing nerves like reminding them to take deep breaths and use positive self-talk (e.g., “I got this!”), and helping them become more mindful.
If you decide to try acting classes for an anxious kiddo, there are a couple of things to check on initially. First, talk to the instructor about the class philosophy – is it meant to produce “stars” or to help kids explore the process of acting? Next, give specifics about your child. Explain that she may need to watch others take their turns before she tries something, and that she might not be willing to participate in every activity. Make sure that’s OK with the instructor before you put your child in a situation where she’ll feel pressured. Finally, give your kid some information about the class or camp, and how the instructor plans to handle it if she wants to opt out of activities. Talk about the potential benefits of participating: making friends, feeling more comfortable around people she doesn’t know, and being less stressed when she has to give presentations. Getting a friend to join the same class is also a good idea.
To help your child get the most out of his acting class, talk afterwards about what went well and what was harder. If your child felt judged by the instructor or classmates, validate that feeling by saying something like, “I can understand why you felt that way” or “It’s hard to have everyone looking at you, isn’t it?” but get more information from the teacher before you become too concerned. Sometimes kids, especially those with high anxiety, feel that others are judging them negatively when there’s really no evidence that’s the case. Help your child remember that even the most confident-seeming kids in class are probably worried about what others are thinking. Teach your child a quick mantra he can repeat to himself when he’s feeling nervous or judged. Something like, “This is for me – not for them” or “It only matters what I think.” If there is a problem with teasing or bullying, discuss it with the instructor right away. A good instructor likely addresses negative judgment directly. For example, Meg talks with kids in her classes about how to be a good audience member by being respectful and not talking or whispering during performances.
It’s important that you not push your child too much as she works through this anxiety. If she’s hesitant to go to class, try offering incentives like getting a milkshake afterwards or allowing her to earn screen time. Ask her instructor for help motivating her to come to class. Even if your kid doesn’t end up attempting a lot, being in a class with others her age who are putting themselves out there is a great opportunity for social learning. In other words, your child may actually gain self-confidence for public speaking just by watching other kids do it! However, if she’s truly resistant to attending the class, it’s probably best to stop. Otherwise, you could run the risk of increasing, rather than decreasing, the worry. For highly anxious kids, fear of speaking in front of groups may result from something more serious than a lack of experience or confidence. If you feel that the problem is interfering with her daily life or keeping her from participating in things she would otherwise enjoy, talk with your pediatrician about a referral for a psychologist. Your child might benefit from some individual therapy and from participating in a social skills group.
Every child who attends acting classes won’t become a star but the experience is a huge success if it leads to increased confidence, comfort, and poise in social situations. Your child will benefit throughout his life if he learns early that failure = learning, and acting classes can be a perfect setting for that lesson.
There are several local options for classes and camps in addition to those offered by Acting Out Academy, including: Birmingham Children’s Theatre, Red Mountain Theatre Company, Virginia Samford Theatre, and ArtPlay. Look for entry-level classes and keep your expectations reasonable.
About this column:
Send your parenting- and kid-related questions my way via email at: parentingwithaphd@gmail.com and I’ll tell you what I can: Please be aware that email is not a secure method of transmitting personal information so it’s best to keep your questions general. If your question is featured, your name and email will not be published. Submitting a question does not constitute a professional relationship in any way and this column is not meant to substitute for face-to-face therapy. If you feel you’re doing the best you can and still need help, it may be time to bring in a professional. Start by talking with your child’s pediatrician to get a referral.
About Kristen:
Kristen Berthiaume, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist with Grayson and Associates. She obtained her doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Kentucky. She completed a predoctoral internship in clinical psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and a post- doctoral fellowship in the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders (ADHD) Program at Duke University Medical Center. She specializes in providing assessment and treatment of children, adolescents, and families dealing with the following issues: ADHD, learning disorders, social skill deficits, organizational problems, behavioral difficulties, anxiety, and depression. She generally focuses on behavioral and cognitive- behavioral techniques, but maintains a flexible approach to therapy. Her other day job is as mom to her daughters, ages seven and one, and four-year-old son.
