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Parenting with a PhD: 13 Reasons Why You May Not Want Your Teens to Watch

Netflix’s recently released “13 Reasons Why” has quickly sparked a great deal of controversy for its graphic handling of sexual assault, bullying, and suicide. To be clear, these are all topics that we must discuss with our kids at some point – sticking our heads in the sand won’t protect them. Unfortunately, experts in the field of suicide prevention say that the way the series handles these issues may actually make kids less likely to seek help and guidance when facing them. Here are 13 reasons you may not want to let your kid watch:

  1. You can’t narrate your life after death. This is a “duh” – I know. But having Hannah, the main character, narrate the series despite having committed suicide may serve to make suicide seem like fantasy. Most teens continue to have difficulty distinguishing truth from fiction and have trouble grasping that death is permanent. The experience of Hannah speaking from “beyond the grave” can numb teens to the reality and finality of suicide.
  2. Experts say the series glamorizes, sending the opposite of its intended message. Sadly, there’s a phenomenon known as “suicide contagion,” which is a rise in the number of suicides that occurs when a suicide is sensationalized by the media. The World Health Organization recommends that journalists not provide pictures or video in cases of suicide, avoid romanticizing the death, and limit the amount of coverage provided. Unfortunately, in its 13 graphic hours “13 Reasons Why” breaks all these “rules.” There are many theories as to why suicide contagion happens but one is that graphic information about suicide desensitizes teens to the act, making suicidal behaviors more likely.
  3. Although the show creators specifically state that they wanted to show teens that suicide is never a “way out,” the show presents the act as a way to solve social problems. Through suicide, Hannah escapes her miserable social situation (and makes everyone feel bad about how they acted as a bonus). It’s important that shows tackling the issue of teen suicide emphasize that things can and will get better, and that high school isn’t forever.
  4. The show doesn’t actively encourage teens who are having suicidal thoughts to seek help. In fact, some of the adult characters are shown to be pretty hostile to Hannah. While it’s not realistic to assume that every adult would know what to do if a kid was having suicidal thoughts, the depiction of Hannah’s guidance counselor as being judgmental instead of supportive may lead kids in similar situations to keep things to themselves.
  5. The show presents suicide as having one obvious cause and an easy fix. If Hannah hadn’t been bullied, she wouldn’t have killed herself: end of story. However, research shows that suicide typically results from multiple causes and, in 90% of cases, involves ongoing depression. The show doesn’t make clear whether Hannah is suffering from mental illness and seems to attribute her suicide solely to mistreatment by classmates.
  6. The show presents suicide as an ultimate form of revenge. While the idea of getting back at classmates may be tempting to adolescents feeling isolated and rejected, it’s crucial that suicide not be presented as a way to do that. The show goes on to suggest that, because of Hannah’s suicide, her classmates will learn to be kinder to each other. A silver lining, I guess. But the notion that it takes something so drastic to achieve this result further glamorizes suicide and presents it as a reasonable choice.
  7. Netflix recommends this show for ages 16 and up but the rape and suicide scenes could earn the show an R-rating if it were to be shown in theaters. In addition to the graphic violence, there are also issues with language, drug use, and sex. Check out Common Sense Media for details when making your decision.
  8. The show oversimplifies some very complicated issues. If you do let your kid watch, it will be important to seek out other info for them on some of the key topics. The conversation shouldn’t start and end with “13 Reasons Why.”
  9. Some critics of the show expressed concern about the How-to aspect of the suicide scene. Watching a scene where teens identify with someone who kills herself could lead to suicide seeming like a possible choice they themselves could make.
  10. The suicide scene is graphic. Like, really graphic. Many kids (and adults) will be pretty disturbed by the show, which could lead to mood and anxiety issues.
  11. Teens may finish the show feeling more anxious and afraid versus hopeful, especially since the disturbing suicide scene occurs in the final episode.
  12. The book was better. Jay Asher’s novel Thirteen Reasons Why, on which the series is based, has the advantage of telling about, but not showing, the suicide. This aspect alone reduces the chance that the act will be glamorized. Several critics have commented that the book does a better job than the show of fostering empathy.
  13. According to 2014 CDC data, suicide was the second leading cause of death for people aged 10-24. Each year, 157,000 kids in that age range receive medical care for self-inflicted injury in the U.S. Clearly, pre-teens, teens, and young adults are far from immune to suicidal thoughts so it’s particularly crucial that media aimed at this demographic handle suicide as responsibly as possible.

If you decide to let your teen watch 13 Reasons Why, use it as a conversation starter to talk about bullying, social pressures, depression, and suicide. Watch together and keep the remote handy so you can pause the show and talk about issues as they’re brought up. Check out these great discussion tips provided by Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE). Talk about what is and isn’t realistic in the show. Ask questions like, “Why do you think she said/did that?” “What could he have done differently?” and “How do you think you would handle that situation?” You’ll likely want to watch ahead of your teen so you can prepare him for the particularly graphic or upsetting scenes. Explain that it’s our job to help your child with any problem she may have – even if it’s something you won’t like hearing about. Make very clear that you are her advocate and supporter- no matter what. Work on reacting to minor issues calmly so your teen will be more likely to trust your handling of bigger problems.

If you think your adolescent might be depressed, talk to her pediatrician about a referral for therapy. Her therapist can help you decide if you should also consider medication. If she exhibits any of these signs of suicidal thinking, get her into treatment right away. If he outright threatens to kill himself, treat it as an emergency and call 9-1-1 or take him to the emergency room right away.

 

About Kristen:

Kristen Berthiaume, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist with Grayson and Associates. She obtained her doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Kentucky. She completed a predoctoral internship in clinical psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and a post- doctoral fellowship in the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders (ADHD) Program at Duke University Medical Center. She specializes in providing assessment and treatment of children, adolescents, and families dealing with the following issues: ADHD, learning disorders, social skill deficits, organizational problems, behavioral difficulties, anxiety, and depression. She generally focuses on behavioral and cognitive- behavioral techniques, but maintains a flexible approach to therapy. Her other day job is as mom to her daughters, ages ten and four, and seven-year-old son.

2 thoughts on “Parenting with a PhD: 13 Reasons Why You May Not Want Your Teens to Watch

  1. I enjoyed the article and feel it was spot on. I watched the series because my 13 year old daughter wanted to watch it. I had heard that it may not be something she should watch, so I watched it alone. I am SO glad I did!! I feel she is not ready to watch something like this. I will and have talked with her about several aspects depicted in the show, but do not feel as though this series is appropriate for many kids.

    1. Thank you for your comment! I personally had watched and had lots of friends with kids asking me what I thought about letting their kids watch, thought it would be great to have Kristen weigh-in..

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