I had to endure 48 hours cooped in a 1,500 square foot house with my two-year-old and my in-laws to get here. I witnessed my husband’s 86-year-old great-aunt call my brother-in-law an “egotistical sack of SH!T,” learned that my own grandmother is a closet wine drinker (now I see where I got it from), and ate a lot of food — not out of hunger — but simply because I didn’t know what else to do with myself.
We spent hundreds of dollars on Christmas, hours wrapping gifts that were ripped open in seconds, days slaving in front of a stove for reasons I still don’t understand, and finally … we made it. The other side of the holidays. Thank God.
I suppose now it’s time to make a list of resolutions.
As a goal-oriented type of person, I can see value in the New Year’s resolution. It’s a way to get your mind right. But this year, I’m rebelling. Rather than resolving to join a gym/learn how to make pie crust from scratch/lose 10 pounds, I’m resolving to be realistic. Which means … no resolutions.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to naysay the rest of you who are resolving to do better, look better, and be better people. And it’s not like I couldn’t use improvement. I’m simply working on trying to accept the facts. I have outlined them below for your review.
First: I’m simply not meant to wear skinny jeans. I am not a skinny person. Anything with “skinny” in the title, including food and beverages, is not for me. I also do not know how to wear those baggy, shapeless shirts that are supposed to go over said skinny jeans. I end up looking like an idiot. Even if I lost 10 pounds, I would still look ridiculous. Those are the facts.
Second: the triple threat of working, mothering, and wifeing is hard — like really hard. I cannot do it all without feeling like a crazy person. I need help … and not in the form of a pill. I need to learn how to ask for real, live, help from other people. I don’t know how to do this better, so I won’t be resolving to try.
Third: I cannot change genetics. My hair will never be completely straight and smooth-looking, even if I use a straightening iron. I will never enjoy strength training or running. Yes, I ran a 5k last summer — I don’t want to do it again. Ever. I’m happy walking, thank you. Which I may or may NOT do 3-4 times a week this year — it depends on whether or not I feel like it. I probably won’t, which is also why I probably won’t lose 10 pounds this year.
Fourth: I can strive every day to be a better mother, but I’m still going to lose my temper and yell at my kid. The same goes for my husband. I want to be a better wife, but I am going to have bad moments that make me cringe later, whether I like it or not.
I will still have dirty baseboards and a cluttered car and I have never, ever cleaned my oven … because I don’t know how. And so, in 2011, it will remain dirty.
My point in sharing all of this is to say, this year will be the year that I’m easy on myself. It’s not that I want to become a fat, screaming-at-my-family, dirty slob who stops washing her hair. It’s not about going BACKWARDS. It’s about being okay with the person that I am currently, without the added pressure of feeling like I have push myself to be better and better every year. I’m accepting the reality of me the way that I am, right now. Imperfect. Perhaps next year I’ll resolve to change or take great strides to improve, but this year, I’m enjoying my life the crazy way that it is.
We will see how it goes. So far, I’m liking it a lot.
Harmony blew into Birmingham after Hurricane Katrina and is a self-proclaimed “never home maker” striving for a balance between her career and family life. Visit her blog Working Mommy Madness to read more!