Working Mommy Madness: Going From One to Two

By Harmony Hobbs:

HOLY CRAP.

If you are a parent of just one child, you may want to stop reading here, lest you be frightened out of having any more.

Going from one child to two is hard, like really hard, like the OMG-I-may-not-survive kind of crazy hard that really cannot be explained. In order to understand, you just have to live it. I have entered into an elite club of women who mother more than one child, and now I understand what they were all telling me before – when they shook their heads at my pregnant belly and warned, it will be an “adjustment.”

Now I know that was their very mild way of saying, “It’s going to SUCK. It’s a major transition. A rough ride for the entire family. There will be days when you feel you can’t possibly go on or listen to any more crying or whining and you’ll just want to throw all of them out the window. It won’t be like when you had your first one. You won’t be able to sleep when the baby sleeps or relax at all, really. You might not have time to eat or drink enough water and your infant may go a great many days between baths. You will be a complete wreck for months. And you’ll most likely hate your husband at least 4 days out of the week.”

Had anyone been truly honest with me and told me that, I probably would have been offended. You just don’t know until you KNOW. It’s probably better that way, because otherwise no one in their right mind would continue to have more children.

I am an only child, and I feel like the greatest gift we could give my older son was a sibling. And so we did. A brother. And this morning alone, I dealt with my three-year-old whacking the baby on the stomach, squishing him in various places, trying to show him his penis, spitting on his face, yelling “RAWR!!” into his crib to see if he would cry (he did) … etc. Not to be mean. Just to see what will happen. He’s in that stage now. I’m not a fan of it.

My husband and I stupidly thought it would be fine to start a family even though we live six hours from our parents. After we had the first one, it was difficult but we managed. I don’t know WHAT we thought would happen after the second, but we had another and have found it almost impossible to handle on our own. Duh. What did we think would happen?! Oh well … you live, you learn.

I looked forward to Thanksgiving with great delight this year, not because of the food, but because I knew I’d have HELP. Someone else could hold the baby while I stuffed my face. Someone else could watch the three-year-old and make sure he didn’t run out into the street or smother his brother with a pillow.

It was fantastic.

Motherhood has some really tough times. I’m in the midst of the toughest I’ve known. I’m not depressed – I don’t have postpartum anything. I’m just fatigued and hanging on by a teeny tiny thread … wait … is that the definition of postpartum?! Oh dear.

Thank God there are moments when it is all worth it, the exhaustion, the under eye circles, the never-ending cycle of dirty laundry and baby bottles … because when one of my children smiles a big sunbeam smile at me I know that something I am doing is right. It gives me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There HAS to be. And if there isn’t … there is always medication.

I say all of this not to whine, but to share with you that through this ridiculously challenging experience I have been truly blessed. This is by far the craziest and most exhausting task I have undertaken, and yet, it is giving me the most reward. Every day.

Raising two boys takes strength I didn’t know existed, determination I had to dig deep to find, and a toughness that I’ve had no choice but to develop. Lately when I run my household I feel like I’m channeling Caroline Manzo. For anyone not familiar, she’s a tough Italian mama from The Real Housewives of New Jersey with a heart of gold and one tough attitude. Her kids LISTEN. But they LOVE her.

I want to be like that.

Ladies, you are all tough cookies whether you are aware of it or not. It’s one of the gifts we have been given — along with the ability to bear children, we have the strength to raise them. That’s no easy task. I’ve tapped into my toughness and it’s very empowering … have you? If not, I highly recommend you do.

I also recommend Smoking Loon pinot noir, it’s less than $10 a bottle and can be found at almost any grocery store … I’m just saying.

About Harmony:

Harmony blew into Birmingham after Hurricane Katrina and is a self-proclaimed “never home maker” striving for a balance between her career and family life. Visit her blog Working Mommy Madness to read more!