What Moms REALLY Want for Mother’s Day

I read an article that gave statistics on what Moms really want for Mother’s Day.. At the top of the list, with 44% of the vote was “spend extra time with loved ones.”

Cue my confused look. By “loved ones” do they mean the masseuse at the spa from which I requested a gift card?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my kids… Love to infinity my family, but if Hallmark is going to name a Holiday in my honor, and give me a day to celebrate it, I kind of don’t want to celebrate it the same way I celebrate the other 364 days of the year… ie: with my family.

So this got me thinking…

1: Who are these 44% of women surveyed, are they really Moms to really real kids and,

2: What do Moms of really real kids want for Mother’s Day? Clean bathrooms, anyone?

So, personally speaking, I would love a strict no cooking holiday. A day where food just magically appears in front of us and the kitchen magically cleans itself when we’re done.

I would like a massage with a side of mimosa and brunch with my best Mommy Girlfriends. We will do nothing but talk about our amazing children and who’s doing what, mind you, but it’s a Mommy Brunch nonetheless. We’ll tell each other that to be away is to learn appreciation. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that.

I want my house to magically clean itself. Much like the magic food and the magically clean kitchen, I want magically clean toilets and no toothpaste in the sink for just one. damn. day.

I want some alone time in the bathroom. I want to poop in peace. Without hearing my name, or the bathroom door open and slam closed a hundred times. I want to poop alone without having to put a barbie in her dress, or fix a dolls hair. I want to poop without having to say “Yes, have the juice pouch.” “No, don’t hit your sister” and for the love of all that is holy..  “I absolutely will not open that pack of gummies while I’m sitting on the toilet.”

I want to sleep. Like hardcore, drool-on-my-pillow and sleep-wrinkles-on-my-face, sleep. (Sleeping pill optional.)

I want whiskey. Hallmark really should look into a liquor license. 2 birds, 1 stone.

And last but most certainly not least.. I want snuggles. Snuggles from the tiny humans that made me a Mommy. I want the handmade cards and bagged mini muffins breakfast in bed… before heading out to my massage and brunch.

I want kisses and hugs and to always remember that the days may be long, but the years are short.

Happy Mother’s Day Moms! We wish you a day of brunch, mimosa’s, clean toilets and snuggles from your littles.