Recently we’ve been bombarded with updates on news on the so-called “mommy wars” that are raging across America, and now internationally. First there was the Working Mom vs. Stay at Home Mom war, then American vs. French, and now the Attachment Parenting debate. So much has been written about this, I don’t really want to add much. I just want to address the idea that we shouldn’t be judging other moms. Yes, being a parent is tough. We should be a support system for one another and stop tearing each other down. Don’t judge.
We keep hearing that- don’t judge. But as a society, we have to judge. We have to look at someone who beats their defenseless child and judge that behavior as wrong and unacceptable. What we need to do is stop judging things that aren’t hurting anyone. If someone wants to breastfeed a 3 year old, that’s not hurting our society. If someone wants to physically abuse a 3 year old, that is hurting our society and a child. The world seems to be obsessed with the grey area. Let’s focus on the black and white– let’s focus on correcting the atrocities that we KNOW are terrible. The abuse, the neglect. Let’s judge those criminals, let’s make those kids’ lives livable.
Then we can worry about being a working mom vs. stay at home mom, or about extended breastfeeding.
What do you think about the Mommy wars? Is our focus on the wrong fight?
If you don’t want me to judge you, then I’ve got some more “don’ts” for you.
Don’t call me when you get arrested for public intoxication or DUI.
Don’t wonder why you get taken advantage of in your life when you get too drunk to have control of yourself.
Don’t ask me to come to your house and help you clean it up because Child Protective Services came by and is about to declare your pig sty of a house a national disaster and remove your child from the situation because it’s a hazard to their well being.
Don’t expect me to have my own child around yours until their behavior is more in line with how a child of that age should act (whatever that age is). Constant whining as a nearly 6 year old is NOT acceptable.
It’s not about judgment. It’s about a standard of child rearing that should be expected. Making sure they’re fed…making sure they’re safe…that’s not everything. A lack of any structure sets the bar for acting out and slow mental development.
There are countless ways to get a child to be creative within a structured environment. Try it.