By Kristen Berthiaume:
Now that we’re fully into the school year, the shine is wearing off and true colors are showing through. Your child may have come home with tales of a classmate who is belittling or blows hot and cold, depending on her mood. Although it’s tempting to write this off as kids being kids, sometimes the problem grows to astronomical proportions. If your child has been the victim of or a witness to bullying, or is exhibiting some bullying behavior him/herself, consider some of these resources to help everyone cope.
For parents who want to find ways to prevent or stop bullying:
Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World by Rosalind Wiseman – This book was the inspiration for the movie “Mean Girls” and is a seminal work in understanding relational aggression (or why sticks and stones have nothing on words when it comes to bullying).
Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades by Michelle Anthony – Learn to recognize early bullying behavior and steer your child towards more rewarding friendships.
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School. How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle by Barbara Coloroso – This book includes ways to identify if your child is bullying others, gives advice on how bystanders can safely help when they witness bullying, and provides ideas for helping victims.
For middleschoolers and older, here are a few resources:
A Smart Girl’s Guide to Friendship Troubles by Angela Martini – This book from the American Girl series covers everything friend-related, especially the darker side. Girls will love the real-life situations and advice, and the format is very user-friendly and fun.
Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends: Dealing with Bullies and Bossiness and Finding a Better Way by Angela Martini – This book is very similar in format to A Smart Girl’s Guide and gives additional practical advice.
The “Mean Girls” movie – If you let your daughter see it, consider watching together and spending some time discussing. Make sure she gets the ultimate message that bullying is harmful in any form – even if the so-called “mean girl” is the target.
If your child is still in elementary school, consider:
Fancy Nancy and the Mean Girl by Jane O’Connor – Everyone’s favorite sesquepedalian (look it up – it’s a fun word) deals with an unkind classmate with her usual flair.
Tease Monster: A Book about Teasing vs. Bullying by Julia Cook – This is a good one for both boys and girls. It covers the misunderstandings that often lead to problems getting along with others. It’s great for kids who have trouble telling the difference between friendly teasing and more harmful behavior.
Stop Bullying Bobby: Helping Children Cope with Teasing and Bullying by Dana Smith-Mansell – This story for 4-8 year olds shows how a concerned bystander along with her teacher helped a classmate who was being bullied.
Dealing with your own “Mean Girl?” Check out Mean Girls at Work: How to Stay Professional When Things Get Personal by Kathi Elster and Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray, and Trash-Talk Each Other by Dr. Joan Rosenberg.
About this column: Send your parenting- and kid-related questions my way and I’ll tell you what I can: parentingwithaphd@gmail.com Please be aware that email is not a secure method of transmitting personal information so it’s best to keep your questions general. If your question is featured, your name and email will not be published. Submitting a question does not constitute a professional relationship in any way and this column is not meant to substitute for face-to-face therapy. If you feel you’re doing the best you can and still need help, it may be time to bring in a professional. Start by talking with your child’s pediatrician to get a referral.
Kristen Berthiaume, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist with Grayson and Associates. She obtained her doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Kentucky. She completed a predoctoral internship in clinical psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and a post- doctoral fellowship in the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders (ADHD) Program at Duke University Medical Center. She specializes in providing assessment and treatment of children, adolescents, and families dealing with the following issues: ADHD, learning disorders, social skill deficits, organizational problems, behavioral difficulties, anxiety, and depression. She generally focuses on behavioral and cognitive- behavioral techniques, but maintains a flexible approach to therapy. Her other day job is as mom to her six-year-old and newborn daughters and three-year-old son.
